ENG Joke- Politician's Sandwich

On the Listening Tour, a prominent politician was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him.

He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.

"Mostly baloney," said the proprietor.

• baloney n.
  
• 燻腸
• 一派胡言
  

ENG Joke- Language Lesson

A friend of mine is an officer in the naval reserve.

• naval reserve 海軍後備隊
  

A few weeks ago, he was attending a conference that included admirals in both the US and the French navies.

• admiral n. 海軍上將
  

At a cocktail reception, my friend found himself in a small group that included an admiral from each of the two navies.

The French admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans only learned English.

He then asked. "Why is it that we have to speak English in these conferences rather than you having to speak French?"

Without even hesitating, the American admiral replied.

"Maybe it's because we arranged it so that you didn't have to learn to speak German."

The group became silent.
----------------------------------------
hahahaha! you have to understand the delicate relations/history among these nations and you can fully enjoy this joke. hahahaha!

ENG Joke- Repeat Offender

• offender n.
  
• 冒犯者
• 違法者、犯規的人
  

A judge scowled down at a repeat offender before him. "Haven't I seen you in here many times already? And didn't I tell you that I never wanted to see you in here again?"

• scowl v. 顯怒容、沉下臉來(+at)
  

"Yes, Your Honor," the defendant replied. "That's exactly what I told the police officer, but he insisted I come in anyway!"

ENG words

pariah \puh-RYE-uh\ noun
印度階級中的賤民
被鄙視或排斥的人
1 : a member of a low caste of southern India
*2 : one that is despised or rejected : outcast

Example sentence:
Sasha became a pariah among the experts in her field after publishing a highly inflammatory article.

• inflammatory adj. 激動的
  

----------------------------------------------
consequential \kahn-suh-KWEN-shul\ adjective
間接的
隨之而來的
重要的
1 : of the nature of a secondary result : indirect
2 : following as a result or effect : consequent
*3 : having significant consequences : important

Example sentence:
Who would have thought stepping off the elevator on the wrong floor that day would be such a consequential moment in Wayne's life?

關聯字：

• consequence n.
  
• 結果、後果
• 重大、重要性
• 自大
• 推論
• consequent
• adj.
  
• 因..結果而引起的、隨之發生的(A severe flood struck the city and there was a consequent shortage of food.)
• 邏輯上一致的

• n. 結果、隨後的事

ENG words

tortuous \TOR-chuh-wus\ adjective
(道路)蜿蜒曲折的
囉囌的、不正直的、陰險的
*1 : marked by repeated twists, bends, or turns : winding
2 a : marked by devious or indirect tactics : crooked, tricky b : circuitous, involved

• devious adj. 蜿蜒的；步入歧途的、不坦率的
• crooked adj. 彎曲的、變形的；不正當的、不坦率的
• circuitous adj. 迂曲的、繞行的
  

Example sentence:
The road over the mountains was long and dangerously tortuous.
------------------------------------------
weal \WEEL\ noun= wealth
福利、好運道
: a sound, healthy, or prosperous state : well-being

Example sentence:
"During his two years as county judge, other qualities ... became apparent. One was an unusual ability to persuade men to sacrifice for a common weal." (Robert Caro, The New Yorker, January 15, 1990)
------------------------------------------
dearth \DERTH\ noun
缺乏、不足
饑荒
1 : scarcity that makes dear; specifically : famine
*2 : an inadequate supply : lack

• scarcity n. 缺乏、匱乏
  

Example sentence:
Teri had forgotten to bring a book, and the dearth of reading material in her uncle's house had her visiting the town library the first morning of her stay.
-----------------------------------------
jeunesse dorée \zheuh-ness-dor-RAY\ noun
: young people of wealth and fashion

Example sentence:
"On any sunny afternoon in Dublin, you will see the jeunesse dorée taking their ease under the awnings of pavement cafes." (Bruce Anderson, The Spectator, July 2001)

• awning n. 天棚
  

ENG words

discomfit \diss-KUM-fit\ verb
1.破壞、擾亂(計畫)
2.使為難
1 : to frustrate the plans of : thwart
*2 : to put into a state of perplexity and embarrassment : disconcert

• thwart v. 挫敗、阻撓
• adj. adv. 橫放著、橫的
• perplexity n. 困惑、茫然
• disconcert v. 使困惑、使張惶失措；挫折、擾亂(計畫)
  

Example sentence:
The governor appeared to be discomfited by the reporter's question, and he struggled for a way to change the subject.

ENG words

delate \dih-LAYT\ verb
1.控告
2.公開
*1: accuse, denounce
2 : report, relate

• denounce v. 指責、譴責
  

Example sentence:
"In that year Archbishop Blackadder of Glasgow delated some thirty heretics to James IV who let the matter go with a jest." (J.D. Mackie, A History of Scotland)

• Archbishop n. 樞機主教
• heretics n. 異教徒
• jest n. 笑料

--------------------------------------------
dog days \DOG-DAYZ\ noun
大熱天
*1 : the hot sultry period of summer between early July and early September in the northern hemisphere
2 : a period of stagnation or inactivity

• sultry adj. 悶熱的、酷熱的
  
• stagnation n. 淤塞、停滯
  

Example sentence:
With the steamy dog days upon us, air conditioners are selling like hotcakes.

ENG Joke- Never Felt Better

One day in court, the prosecuting lawyer asked the farmer on the witness stand, "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the policeman you had never felt better in your life?"

• prosecute v. 起訴、告發
  

"That's right." The farmer replied.

"Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?"

The farmer explained. "When the policeman arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog, who was all banged up, and shot him.

"When he asked me how I felt, I just thought, under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say 'I've never felt better in my life.'"

ENG Joke- Pull Buddy

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse, named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

• out-of- towner n. 【口語】市外居民
• ditch n. 壕溝
• desolate adj. 荒蕪無人煙的
• hitch v. 鉤住、套住
  

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

• holler v. 大聲叫喊
  

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

• nonchalantly adv. 冷淡地、漫不關心地
  

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."

ENG Joke- Too Much Sugar

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.

"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said.

"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.

• light-headed adj. 頭昏眼花
  

"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."

• brunette n. 具深黑色頭髮與淺黑色皮膚的女子
  

ENG Joke- Boots

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were.

• whimper v. 抽咽
  

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream,"Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to.

Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."

She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?"

• muster up v. 振作起來
• wrestle v. 角力、搏鬥
• mitten n. 連指手套
  

He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."

Her trial starts next month.

ENG Joke- Sunbathing

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."

"What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

ENG words

ilk \ILK\ noun
那種的
: sort, kind

Example sentence:
Mr. Reynolds ran a tight, efficient business with hard-working employees, and so he had no patience for slackers like Charlie and his ilk.

• slaker n. 偷懶的人、敷衍取巧者
  

ENG-Joke- Check Out Mate

A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

• tournament n. 錦標賽、聯賽
  

After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

• disperse v. 驅散、解散
  

"But why?", they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

• boast v. 自吹自擂、吹噓
• foyer n. 門廳
  

ENG words

festinate \FESS-tuh-nut\ adjective
匆促的
: hasty

Example sentence:
"Even [the company's] successes . . . are vestiges of 1990s thinking. They may halt a festinate death, but you don't build a company around them." (Fritz Nelson, Network Computing, August 21, 2000)

• vestige n. 遺跡、殘骸 vestige of ancient religion
• (否定)一點兒、絲毫 not a vestige of truth

-----------------------------------------
ensky \in-SKYE\ verb
使飛上天空
: exalt

• exalt v.
• 使升高、高攀
• 提拔、提高 exalted to the position of president
  
• 讚揚
• 使得意、使喜悅 be exalted by the news
  
• 令人興奮、使人得意
  

Example sentence:
"Her first appearance in evening dress was a revelation to me; she was my idol, enskied and sacred." (Frank Harris, My Life and Loves)

• revelation n. 出乎意料的事、天啟、神示
• sacred adj. 神聖的
  

----------------------------------
quirk \KWURK\ verb
使彎曲、使扭轉
: curve, twist

Example sentence:
David quirked his eyebrow in perplexity at his companion's curious remark.

• perplexity n. 困惑、茫然
  

成功不屬於最早出發的，而是最後倒下的

王品有約／戴勝益著

國小時班上的前三名，到了三十歲時，仍是職界的前三名嗎？到了五十歲，會是商界．政界的前三名嗎？
答案是否定的。

因為從 0~23 歲大學畢業前，只要「記憶力」好，便可出頭天。

23~43歲的出社會20年間，記憶力好已經不是出人頭地的法寶了。
此段時間，最需要的是「創造力」的發揮，才能從競爭中的各行各業中脫穎而出。
否則再好的「記憶力」，在多的「努力」，也只能保住「職稱」的美譽而已。

43歲以後，「記憶力」與「創造力」都顯得不重要了，此時的傑出者都是「領導力」非常強的人。
此階段的格局，已非一人記憶力，一人之創造力所能揮灑。

當然也有人「記憶力」、「創造力」、「領導力」都很強，所以從小到老都一直當領袖，但這畢竟是少數人。
請你細想國小前三名，中學前三名，大學前三名的同學，現在在做什麼？

記憶力是IQ，與生俱來，很難改變；唯一的補強是「勤能補拙」，創造力是智慧，即IQ與EQ的結合體；先天條件佔一半，後天培養佔另一半。

領導力是「IQ＋EQ心胸＋個性」的綜合，是一種若無其事的從容，是一種舉重若輕的自在，是一種如沐春風的成熟，是一種性靈交織的藝術。

ENG Joke- King of the Open Seas

One foggy night, as the admiral was walking along the deck of his battleship, he saw the light of another ship approaching in the distance. Quickly he went down to the radio room and had a message sent: "Ajust your course 10 degrees starbord."

• admiral n. 海軍上將、艦隊司令
• battleship n. 戰艦、主力艦
  

But the message came back "Adjust your course 10 degrees port"

This began to anger the admiral, so he thought he needed to make himself clear. He sent the message "This is an order from an Admiral. Ajust your course 10 degrees starbord."

But the message came back "I am a petty officer, second class. Adjust your course 10 degrees port"

• petty officer n. 海軍下士
  

If the admiral was angry before, he was furious now. No way did he take orders from a petty officer! He ordered a message sent which would make his position clear: "This is a nuclear battleship. Ajust your course 10 degrees starbord."

And again the message came back "This is a lighthouse. Adjust your course 10 degrees port"

ENG Joke- Why Specs Live Forever

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates.

• gauge n. 標準規格、標準尺寸
• exceedingly adv. 極度地=extremely
• expatriate n. 移民國外者、被流放(國外)者
• v. 1.流放 2.使放棄原國籍、使移居國外
• adj. 被流放(國外)的、移居國外的
  

Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

• tramway n. 電車軌道
  

Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

• jig n. 裝配架
  

Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts.

• rut
• n.
• 車槽、凹痕
• 老規矩、慣例、常規
  
• v. 在...挖槽、在...形成車轍
• n. (雄鹿、雄羊等的)發情、發情期 be in the rut
  
• v. 發情
  

So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts? The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made for or by Imperial Rome they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

• legion
  
• n.
  
• 古羅馬軍團
• 軍隊、部隊
• 眾多、大量 a legion of admirers
• adj. 眾多的、大量的
  

• chariot n. 雙輪戰車
  

Thus, we have the answer to the original questions. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification for an Imperial Roman army war chariot. Specs and Bureaucracies live forever.

So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's rear came up with it, you may be exactly right. Because the Imperial Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate the back-ends of two war horses.

Notable Events June 30

In 1908, a spectacular explosion occurred over central Siberia, probably caused by a meteorite. The fireball reportedly could be seen hundreds of miles away.
西伯利亞中部發生強烈爆炸，可能是由隕石撞擊地球引發，據報百英哩外都看得到火球

• Siberia n. 西伯利亞
• meteorite n. 隕石、流星
  

In 1923, jazz pioneer Sidney Bechet made his first recording. It included "Wild Cat Blues": and "Kansas City Blues."
爵士樂先驅Sidney Bechet錄下第一張唱片

In 1934, German leader Adolf Hitler ordered a bloody purge of his own political party, assassinating hundreds of Nazis whom he feared might become political enemies some day.
希特勒血腥清黨，暗殺數百位他怕未來會成為政敵的納粹份子

• purge n. 清洗、淨化，這裡是指"清黨"
  

In 1936, Margaret Mitchell's Civil War novel "Gone With the Wind" was published.
Margaret Mitchell著作的南北戰爭小說"飄"出版

In 1950, U.S. troops were moved from Japan to help defend South Korea against the invading North Koreans.
美軍從日本推進南韓，協助抵禦北韓南進

In 1971, three Soviet Cosmonauts, crewmembers of the world's first space station, were killed when their spacecraft depressurized during re-entry.
史上第一個太空站的三位蘇聯太空人在重返地球時因太空艙失壓而被殺

• cosmonaut n. (尤其指前蘇聯)太空人
  
• depressurize v. 失壓
  

In 1992, Fidel Ramos was inaugurated as the eighth Philippine president in the first peaceful transfer of power in a generation.
Fidel Ramos就任第八任菲律賓總統，是該世代第一個和平轉移政權的例子

• inaugurate v.
  
• 使...正式就任 He was inaugurated as President.
  
• 開展 inaugurate a campaign
  
• 為...舉行開幕式 The mayor inaugurated a bridge.
  

In 1994, the U.S. Figure Skating Association stripped Tonya Harding of her 1994 national championship title.
美國花式溜冰協會取消Tonya Harding 1994年的全國冠軍頭銜

• figure skating n. 花式溜冰
• strip
• v.
• 剝奪 strip him of the right
  
• 剝去、剝光 strip off (clothes)/strip of/strip from
  
• 拆卸、分解(機械) strip down
• 從...刪去不需要的內容
• 擠乾(牛的)奶
• 去(菸葉等的)莖
• 脫去衣服、脫光衣服
• 表演脫衣舞
• n.
• 條、帶、細長片
• 連環漫畫
• 一行(或一列)郵票
• 【口】足球選手的制服
  
• 脫衣舞
  

In 1997, Mike Tyson apologized publicly for biting Evander Holyfield's ears during a heavyweight championship boxing match in Las Vegas two days earlier, saying he'd become angered after Holyfield butted him.
拳王Mike Tyson為了在拉斯維加斯比賽重量級拳擊時咬對手耳朵致歉

• butt v. 用頭(或角)猛撞
  

In 2000, the Presbyterian Church ordered its ministers not to conduct same-sex unions.
長老會命令神職人員們不准帶領同性的小組聚會

• Presbyterian n. 長老會教會
• conduct v. 帶領
  

In 2002, Israel announced it had killed a top Hamas bomb-maker, responsible for the deaths of more than 100 Israelis in suicide attacks, and had begun work on an electronic fence designed to block off three sides of Jerusalem from the West Bank.
以色列聲稱處決了一名哈瑪斯組織的頭號自殺炸彈客，他發動的攻擊造成上百名以色列人傷亡。以色列政府同時聲稱他們設計了可以防衛耶路撒冷三側以防範攻擊的電子柵欄設施。

And in 2002 sports, Brazil won its fifth World Cup soccer championship with a 2-0 victory over Germany.

In 2003, after agreeing on a cease-fire with the Palestinians, Israel pulled out of most of the Gaza strip, ending for the time being a blockade on the main highway that began in 2000.

Also in 2004, the Cassini spacecraft, after nearly years in space on a U.S.-European mission, became the first to orbit the planet Saturn.
在一項美歐合作的任務中，Cassini太空船成為第一個環繞土星的太空船

• Saturn n. 土星
  

In 2005, Israel declared the Gaza Strip a closed military zone. All Israelis, except for residents, service providers and reporters, were barred from entering.
以色列宣布加薩走廊為封閉的軍事區，除了居民、服務提供者、記者以外都禁止進入。

• Gaza Strip 加薩走廊
• bar v. 封鎖、阻隔
  

And, Spain became the third country to legalize same-sex marriage.
西班牙同性婚姻正式合法

ENG Joke- Chemists Last Words

1. And now, the taste test.

2. Are we supposed to heat that?

3. And now a little bit from this...

4. ... and please keep that test tube alone!

5. And now shake it a bit.

6. Why is there no label on this bottle?

7. In which glass was my mineral water?

8. The bunsen burner *is* out!

• bunsen burner n. 【化】本生燈
  

9. Why does that stuff burn with a green flame?!?

10. *H* stands for Nitrogen - and that does *not* burn...

• Nitrogen n. 氮
  

11. Oh, now I have spilt something...

12. First the acid, then the water...

13. And now the detonating gas problem.

• detonate v. 使爆炸、使觸發
  

14. This is a completely safe experimental setup.

15. Where did I put my gloves?

16. O no, wrong beaker...

• beaker n. 【化】燒杯
  

17. The fire alarm is just being tested.

18. Now you can take the protection window away...

19. And now, keep it constant at 24 degrees celsius, 25... 26... 27...

20. Peter can you please help me. Peter!?! Peeeeeteeeeer?!?!?!?

21. I feel how long 15 seconds are!

22. Something is wrong here...

23. Where did all those holes in my kettle come from?

• kettle n. 水壺
  

24. Trust me - I know what I am doing.

25. And now a cigarette...